


The Best Plan Ever

by 3ALover



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Friendship, Gen, M/M, RIP Brian's Hair, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 12:07:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19084708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3ALover/pseuds/3ALover
Summary: As soon as Yuzuru saw the news, that Shoma had left his coaches, he knew exactly what he had to do. That was why he kidnapped Evgenia right out of her mom’s clutches – AKA snatched her from getting into her mom’s car – and instead pulled her into his mom’s car with a very important message. “Shoma is leaving Mihoko-sensei, we are going to Jason’s house, and we’re going to make up a foolproof plan to get Shoma to come train with us.”She just beamed. “Yes! I’m in!”In the rearview mirror, he saw his mother chuckling and shaking her head as she dutifully followed Yuzuru’s GPS to Jason’s house.





	The Best Plan Ever

**Author's Note:**

> In the wake of today's shocking news, have this crack fic I wrote in a snap because it's too good to pass up.

As soon as Yuzuru saw the news, that Shoma had left his coaches, he knew exactly what he had to do. That was why he kidnapped Evgenia right out of her mom’s clutches – AKA snatched her from getting into her mom’s car – and instead pulled her into his mom’s car with a very important message. “Shoma is leaving Mihoko-sensei, we are going to Jason’s house, and we’re going to make up a foolproof plan to get Shoma to come train with us.”

She just beamed. “Yes! I’m in!” 

In the rearview mirror, he saw his mother chuckling and shaking her head as she dutifully followed Yuzuru’s GPS to Jason’s house.

~

Jason was just getting out of the shower when a knock came at his door. When he went to open it, he was confused to see Yuzuru and Evgenia there together. “Um, hi?” he asked, covering his naked chest with his towel as he let them in, hair still dripping on his shoulders.

Yuzuru came in with that face that said he was a man with a mission. “First thing, you get unnaked,” he said, blushing. “Hot boy dripping wet is distraction even if thinking of sex with you is icky.”

“Ew,” Jason said, then went to go get dressed the rest of the way. When he got back, they had helped themselves to water and his glasses and were sitting on his couch. “Okay, so what brings you here?”

Yuzuru looked at him with a steady look of determination, not unlike that when he was about to rock a program. “Shoma left his coaches and hasn’t picked new coaches yet. We must convince Tracy and Brian why he should come here.”

Jason’s smile widened almost manically. “Yes. Absolutely. I’ll go grab my laptop! You guys ever made a PowerPoint before?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Well, you’re gonna learn,” Jason said, dancing his way to his room. 

When he came back, he wiggled his way between their butts, laptop already open and firing up PowerPoint. “Alright. We have to think about what all the best reasons for Shoma to come here are, put them together, and then sit Brian, Tracy, and Ghislain down and prove to them he deserves to come here.”

“Yes!” Yuzuru cheered, and Evgenia giggled.

“This is the best idea ever!”

~

Brian was the last one to arrive, it seemed, to his own office, where the kids had somehow erected a screen made out of a sheet on his wall, covering all of his medals and prizes. “Hello,” he said slowly as he joined Tracy and Ghislain on his couch. “Why were we called to a meeting here?”

Jason stood in a shirt and tie, wielding a clicker in his hand. “Brian, Tracy, Ghislain. We have prepared a brief PowerPoint presentation about a very important topic.”

Yuzuru stood as well, wearing his glasses and a smart looking shirt, as if he was a real businessman. “Today we come to discuss why you should offer Shoma a spot here at the Cricket Club.”

Evgenia stood, wearing a nice skirt and blouse, once again looking like a businesswoman. “We are going to outline each of his strengths and what we think we could all as a team benefit from having him here,” she said, clearly having taken some speech lessons from Jason. 

“First off,” Jason said, clicking the clicker. The screen read, _Shoma Uno, friend, skater, and lost puppy in need of a good home_. “Shoma left his life-long coaches after what we can all agree was a season full of shitty judging that gave him an unfair score when elevating others. I fear my dear Shoma has made a rash decision and he is lost. He needs a home. We’re a team. We can be that home for him.”

The next slide read, _Doesn’t Speak English But We Speak Japanese_. “This is simple,” Yuzuru said, reading off note cards. “Shoma does not speak English. Not even as much as when I come here all these years ago. Jason and Jun and I, Hanyu Yuzuru, could help. No other option will be as good for his progress and comfort.”

The next slide read, _Valuable team player who will invigorate practices_. “Shoma,” Jason began, “Is a good guy who wants to learn and grow. He would offer insight to jumps we haven’t learned yet, at least for Evgenia and I. He will give a good example of diverse quads for the whole team to learn from, and Ghislain, you can help him with his shitty jump entry form and make him a champion.”

He clicked the clicker and the next slide read, _Another Beautiful Face To Add To Team Cricket_. Evgenia grew very serious even as Yuzuru and Jason frowned, clearly confused at that slide being added. “Shoma is really hot. If he comes here, I can seduce him and become his girlfriend. I really want a hot boyfriend. Plus, every skater you have is attractive, even Joseph and his weird eyebrows. Thank you for your attention to our presentation.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Yuzuru said, frowning at her. “Ew? And why would you want to date Shoma? And when did you put that in the presentation?”

“When you two were fighting over who gets to be his translator,” she said bluntly. “I’m nineteen and single and he’s hot and close to my age. It’s a no-brainer.”

“Um, not to rain on your parade, but my whole secret motivation is that we can get married here, not in Japan, and if he moves here, he’ll come live with me so I can prepare my proposal,” Jason butted in.

“And why would he live with you?” Yuzuru asked. “My mom already said he can be like an adopted baby brother and live with me!”

“Because we’ve been dating for two years,” Jason said, then flushed, realizing what all he blurted out. He cleared his throat, turning to the coaches. “So, um, hey, if you somehow missed it, I’m gay as hell, but also, I’ve secretly been dating Shoma Uno for two years. Haha,” he said awkwardly. 

Brian blinked a few times and then put his hands over his face. “Wow. This is… this is a new level of _wow_.”

“Boys, and lady, I admire your enthusiasm, but perhaps you should at least consult Shoma before trying to advocate for us extending _him_ an offer instead of him sending us an inquiry,” Tracy said gently.

Ghislain shrugged. “I dunno, sounds fun. I’m down.”

“Of fucking course you are,” Brian scoffed, standing up and leaving. “Bye, I need coffee now, yes it’s your faults.”

“But you still didn’t say if Shoma can come or not!”

“Come on, Brian, pleeeasseee?”

“Tracy, don’t you want me to get married?!?!”


End file.
